Preemptive Strikes and Party Poppers
by The Libran Iniquity
Summary: SG1 are but a week away from celebrating their second 'birthday' as a team. Beware giant killer bunnies.


Disclaimer: Quite simply, not mine.

Warnings: None.

Spoilers: The Movie, "Fire and Water", "Family".

Author's Note: Three short (ahem) stories written in response to ongoing challenges at the Gen Gate in the run up to _their_ second birthday, which is today.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

**1: Pre-emptive Strikes and Party Poppers**

Monday morning at 0900 hours was such a beautiful morning. Major General George Hammond had been humming along to a song on the radio as he'd driven to the mountain, and the song had stayed in his head as he'd signed in at the front desk and made his way down and through the mountain to the main control room. It had become habit for him to stop by there on the way to his office (one level up from the control room) and request a report from whoever was manning the main Stargate computer. Occasionally it made for interesting hearing and/or reading.

This morning, it was Siler. As George got closer, Siler stood up and snapped a salute, waiting for the general's nod before sitting back down again.

"Anything to report, Sergeant?" George asked, wondering if there would be anything of interest this particular morning. Judging by the total lack of blaring klaxons or medical teams in the 'gate room, and also by the fact that SG-1 was currently not off-world, he couldn't think that there would be anything.

But to his surprise, Siler nodded. "We, uh, got a recording from the surveillance equipment in one of the VIP rooms, sir," he replied, starting out uncertainly enough but getting more into it as he went on. He reached for the playback equipment as he spoke. "It's audio only."

"Do you have a soft copy of it?" George asked him, trying to recall whether they had anyone staying in the VIP rooms at the moment or not. He couldn't think of anyone in the last couple of weeks, at least.

Siler nodded and pulled a tape cassette out of one of the recorders, and handed it to George. "If there's nothing else, I'll be in my office if anything happens," George added. Siler nodded again and turned back to the computers, and George climbed the metal staircase at the back of the control room that led up to where his office was.

Once in there he began rooting around in the filing cabinet for the cassette player he rarely, if ever used. Found it, set it on his desk, checked there were working batteries, inserted the cassette and pressed the 'play' button. Siler had thoughtfully rewound it to the beginning for him, and after a couple of seconds the playback began.

o o o o o

(sound of a door opening and closing) "Hey Teal'c. Uh... nice place you've got here."

"Thank you, Daniel Jackson. O'Neill requested that I obtain a room large and comfortable enough for SG-1 to have this meeting."

"Yeah... speaking of Jack, do you know where he is?"

"He informed me that he would arrive shortly once he had procured the necessary supplies."

"Right... Sam's probably still in her lab. Maybe I should go and -"

"There is no need, Daniel Jackson. O'Neill has it on 'good authority' that in a short time Captain Carter will be ejected from her laboratory and directed to the location of this VIP room."

"Of - of course she would be."

(sound of a door opening and closing) "Hey, Teal'c, nice place you've got here."

"Indeed. Does it meet your requirements, O'Neill?"

"Yeah. It'll do. Daniel."

"Jack."

"Where's Carter?"

"You informed me that Captain Carter would be along shortly."

"Oh yeah... well, that fire alarm should be going off any... second... now."

"Fire alarm, Jack?"

"Hey, I had to get her out of that lab _somehow_! And don't look at me like that, Doctor Jackson, it's all in good fun. 'Sides, they'll never pin it on me."

"Fun... right. Just what are we here for, anyway?"

"Wait for Carter to get here first. I hate repeating myself."

"Jack..."

"Fine. I'll tell you. But on your head be it if it doesn't sound as good as when -"

(sound of a door opening) "Siler?"

"Nope, wrong geek. That's Daniel. You know him, friendly fella."

"Sir... Daniel... Teal'c... Colonel, what's going on?"

"Shut the door behind you, Carter, come take a seat."

"Don't worry, Sam, we're as much in the dark about this as you are."

(sound of a door closing) "About what?"

"My point exactly. I just got a note left in my office telling me to be here, now."

"Captain Carter, O'Neill rarely plans this far in advance if there is not a point to what he wishes to do."

"Why, thank you for the vote of confidence, Teal'c. Kids? Sit down."

"We're sitting, Jack. Mind telling us why we're here?"

"I'm getting to that! Now, does anyone know what day it is this Saturday coming?"

"Saturday?"

"The eleventh?"

"That's not what I... come on, Teal'c, help me out here."

"I do not understand the question, O'Neill."

"Oh, for crying out... can _anyone_ tell me what happened two years ago this coming Saturday?"

"Two years ago, sir? Uh... wasn't that the day the general got permission from the President and the Pentagon to approve Teal'c joining SG-1?"

"Yes! Thank you! Someone's with the program!"

"You know, Jack, if you'd phrased the question a little better to begin with, we'd have stood a better chance of answering -"

"Not now, Daniel. Come on, people, think about it. By the end of this week we'll have officially been SG-1 for two years. Am I the _only_ one who thinks that merits some kind of celebration?"

"For what would the purpose of this celebration be, O'Neill?"

"I've just told you, Teal'c. This is to celebrate our being a team for two years. We've not been dead for more than two hours at a time in the last two years. I'd say that on its own is more than enough reason for some kind of a party."

"What Jack's trying to say, Teal'c, is that it's in the human nature to celebrate when something goes right, or when it's deemed there is enough cause. Birthdays and holidays, for example."

"And the geeks camped outside the multiplex for that last Star Trek movie, jabbering away when I was trying to get to the fishing supply place..."

"You're not helping here, Jack!"

"Wasn't trying to."

"Sir, what do Trekkies have to do with celebrations?"

"_Trekkies_? Carter..."

"So I watch a little sci-fi every so often."

"You _live_ a little sci-fi every so often. Remember?"

"Uh, can we get back to the point, here?"

"There's a point, Daniel?"

"That's a very good point, Sam."

"Oh... for the love of - will you please stop bickering and pay attention!"

"O'Neill, it would be best if you calm down. Unless you have forgotten Doctor Fraiser's reminder about the health risks involved with increasing blood pressure."

"Now see what you're doing, Daniel? You're encouraging Teal'c. Don't. Now. Can we please stop the sideways talk and get down to some planning here?"

"Okay."

"Yes, sir."

"Indeed."

"Good. Now, party. There's only so much we'll be able to do on-base without scaring or otherwise causing concern to General Hammond, which would in turn invite the dreaded 'C' word."

"'C' word, sir?"

"Court-martial."

"Oh."

"Exactly. So, I was thinking we could start in the 'gate room, and -"

"In the 'gate room?"

"What, is there an echo in here? Yes, Daniel, the 'gate room. You know, the place where this all started when you kicked geek-butt and figured out how to open the Stargate."

"No, I meant, _what_ were you planning for the 'gate room?"

"I don't know, I haven't figured that part out yet. Any ideas, anyone?"

"For the 'gate room, sir?"

"Yes, for the 'gate room, Carter. Ideas?"

"I think Teal'c was right earlier, Jack. You don't usually plan things in advance without a good idea as to what you want to happen. So, what did you have in mind?"

"Party poppers..."

"Say that a bit louder, Jack, I didn't quite hear you."

"He said 'party poppers', Daniel Jackson."

"Yeah, he definitely said party poppers. Sir, why party poppers?"

"Why not?"

"Jack, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Party poppers in the 'gate room? Don't you think that would be just a little..."

"Spit it out, Daniel."

"Inappropriate?"

"He's got a point, sir."

"For crying out loud, they're just party poppers. As long as we're careful with where we pull them, the 'gate room shouldn't be any worse for wear. It might actually look a bit... nicer."

"Okay, Jack, we'll keep the party poppers as a possibility. And since you do seem to have this all planned out, after all, what's next on the agenda?"

"Party?"

"Oookay... we may need something a little more substantive than that, Jack."

"Party at your place?"

"What? Why my place?"

"All those in favour of a party at Daniel's apartment, say 'aye'."

"Yes, sir."

"Indeed."

"And I say 'aye'. Daniel Jackson, you've officially been defeated by a 'yessir', an 'indeed' and an 'aye'. How do you plead?"

"Innocent to all charges... again, why my place?"

"Easy. Teal'c's is in the mountain, Carter's is too lab-like, and she and Teal'c still think the rules and regs apply at my place. Ergo... we go to yours. I think that's a pretty sound argument."

"Worryingly enough, Jack, yes it is."

"Come on, all of you. Think about it. Our very own Stargate-themed party to celebrate our being a team for two years at the home of the archaeologist who made it possible for us to be a team in the first place by opening the Stargate."

"Stargate-themed, sir?"

"Don't take it literally, Carter. Please."

"You really have spent a lot of time thinking this one over, haven't you, Jack?"

"So?"

"So, perhaps it requires the query of why you have approached the three of us with help planning this party when you seem to have the majority arranged in advance, O'Neill."

"Begs the question, Teal'c. The idiom is 'begs the question'."

"OK... and since I apparently have no say in the matter of the party taking place in my apartment, I think I at least ought to know _what_ this party's going to entail."

"Ah! Now, _that's_ where you three come in!"

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Team celebration. Team party. Team organisation. Now, I know Daniel's next-door neighbour. Lovely little old lady, it wouldn't be fair on her if we went and did an all-nighter. So, what I was thinking was we each provide something like an hour's entertainment or otherwise engaging activity for the benefit of the other three."

"Entertainment, Jack?"

"An hour, sir?"

"Do not involve fishing in any form or matter, O'Neill."

"What he said."

"Absolutely."

"I wasn't going to do anything about fishing!"

"Jack..."

"OK, so it was up there somewhere... and what do you mean, 'do not include fishing'?"

"Fishing does not constitute a form of entertainment, O'Neill."

"And how would you know that for sure?"

"I have watched National Geographic. Suffice it to say that its coverage of the 'sport' of fishing was... monotonous."

"Fine. No fishing. But we all have to come up with something by Saturday for the party. One hour. No less, not too much more. We have Mrs. Sanchez to think about, after all."

"I'll probably regret asking this, Jack, but how do you know her name?"

"Who's this?"

"Mrs. Sanchez is the older woman who lives in the apartment adjacent to Daniel Jackson, Captain Carter."

"Oh. Okay."

"Teal'c, how did _you_ know that?"

"That time we thought you died on the water planet, Daniel. Teal'c and I went round to your apartment first to clear out the 'sensitive' stuff. Mrs. Sanchez was struggling up the staircase with grocery bags, Teal'c and I helped her out."

"Okay..."

"Like I said, lovely little old lady."

"Colonel, so what do we do about this 'hour's entertainment'? Just show up at Daniel's apartment, draw straws to determine an order and do it that way?"

"Ya know, that's not a bad idea, Carter. Well done."

"So not _that_ well organised, then."

"Daniel?"

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"Am I going to need to get any extra stuff in for the weekend?"

"Nah, don't go all out. Carter and I can chip in and show up with stuff."

"Yeah, Daniel. Just tell us what you need us to bring."

"Okay. I'll, um, I'll do that."

"Carter, time."

"Twenty-one hundred exactly, sir."

"Right. Time to wrap this up for the night. Teal'c, you did cut the audio and visual to this room before we got here, right?"

"I did indeed, O'Neill."

"Good. Don't want to scare the general unnecessarily."

"Jack, you're planning on... distributing party poppers in the 'gate room. How can that _not_ scare the general?"

(sound of a door opening) "Come on, kids, time to go. Daniel, can you drop by and pick me up on the way in in the morning? Car's got to go in for servicing."

"Sure."

"Thanks. Teal'c, we'll see you tomorrow, bright and early."

"Indeed."

"Night, sir. Daniel, Teal'c."

"Night, Carter."

"Night, Sam."

"Good night, Captain Carter."

"C'mon, Daniel, time to go hit the hay."

"O'Neill, before you leave, I just have one question."

"Fire away."

"What is a 'party popper'?"

"Daniel, you want to take this one?"

"Well, Teal'c..."

(sound of a door closing)

o o o o o

The tape wound to an end, and George stared thoughtfully at the cassette player. Teal'c had done a good enough job disabling the _obvious_ surveillance equipment in the VIP room, but obviously had yet to be told about the backup system in place throughout the mountain.

Two years? In all honesty, George hadn't realised it had been that recently that the SGC had been formed, formalised and approved by his superiors. Call him sentimental in his old age, but it felt as though SG-1 and their colleagues and compatriots had been around, well, forever.

George got up from the desk and crossed over to the window that both separated him from the 'gate room and gave him one of the most incredible birds'-eye views of it. He stared down at the 'gate, and its grey surroundings, and tried to imagine it with party poppers streamed all over the place, and maybe one of those signs Kayla said were all the rage now. "SG-1 was here" on a banner draped across the upper rim of the Stargate.

The general chuckled to himself, and made his way back down to the control room, where Siler would still be. He'd decided already it wasn't worth trying to interfere with Jack O'Neill when it came to plans he'd made well in advance, and if party poppers were the worst that could happen this coming Saturday, then by all means George was willing to let them do it. Who knew, it might even bump morale up a bit round here, and something like that was always welcomed.

But if Jack and his team tried anything more?

Well then, by George, George'd be ready.

**2: Between You and Me and the MALP**

Wednesday evening at 2200 hours, and Major General George Hammond was about ready to go home for the night. Paperwork for the day done and dusted, he left his office and went down the stairs to the main control room. Much as it had become habit to check in with whoever was manning the main Stargate computer when he arrived first thing in the morning, George had also taken to doing so on the way out of the mountain in the evenings.

This evening, it was Davis. He had his headphones and mic on, and rather than standing up to snap the general a formal salute, he half-turned around on his seat and nodded at George before resuming whatever it was that he was doing with the computer. And as George stepped closer to the array of equipment lining the blast window, Davis began to give him a report. It was an oft-practised procedure.

"SG teams 1, 5 and 8 are currently off-world, with SG-5 due back inside the next three hours, sir," he began, staring intently at the computer screen in front of him and hitting in seemingly random keys. "SG-8's twelve hour mission extension runs out at oh-eight-hundred tomorrow morning, and you've just missed a check-in from SG-1."

"Are there any problems at their end?" George inquired.

Davis shook his head. "No, sir. Although Colonel O'Neill did raise a brief concern over what he termed to be 'killer bunnies'."

George blinked and considered that for a moment. "I'm sure that will be one of the main topics of the de-briefing," he replied with a small smile. "When are they due back?"

"Tomorrow at thirteen-hundred exactly."

"Very good," George replied. And it was very good to hear that, for once, one of SG-1's missions was proceeding smoothly. "Anything else to report?"

Davis shifted slightly in his seat, and finally turned around to face the general. "Actually, General, there is," he began, a little uncertainly. "When Colonel O'Neill checked in just now, there was also a data burst from the MALP. One... one part of it was an audio recording, sir."

Briefly George thought about the audio recording Siler had given him on Monday, and mentally shook his head. No, there couldn't be anything connecting the two events... there were no party poppers lining the corridors of the SGC, after all. "Do you have a soft copy of it?" he asked Davis, mindful that he'd both asked Siler the exact same question two days previously, and also that as far as SG-1 was concerned, there _was_ no such thing as a coincidence.

Davis nodded and pressed a sequence of buttons on the array of controls in front of him. On a panel level with George's head, a cassette popped out of one of the audio recorders. The general removed the tape and put it into his pocket.

"There's, uh, there's nothing else, General," Davis added.

George nodded. "Very well, then," he replied. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yessir," Davis nodded, his attention already back on what he had been doing before.

It only took George a couple of minutes to make his way through the myriad-like corridors and elevators to reach the surface, sign out for the night, and walk to his car. Once he was sat in the driver's seat, he stared for a moment at the cassette player above the in-car radio. Against what little now remained of his better judgement, he pulled the cassette out of his pocket and inserted in into the player before revving the car up and making his way out of the car park.

This time, he noticed, the tape hadn't been rewound - a sure sign that all Davis had done with the recording was simply copy it onto the cassette rather than have the opportunity to listen to it himself.

And something like that was probably a blessing rather than a curse. George pressed the 'rewind' button and listened to the feedback loop with half an ear. He knew from his granddaughters' experience that once the tape was back at the beginning the playback would begin automatically, with no further need to press buttons and fiddle with the controls.

After about thirty seconds, the playback started up again, and driving along the road in the semi-darkness, George began to listen to the recording.

o o o o o

(sound of a gunshot) "I'm really beginning to hate those..."

"Jack, they're rabbits."

"Daniel... they're rabbits the size of Alsatians. You want teeth that big prancing around our tent when you're sleeping?"

"Well, no... but is it really necessary to _shoot_ them?"

"I shot _at_ them. Missed, but it should have been close enough to scare them away until we're gone."

"Oh. Okay. Uh, where are Sam and Teal'c?"

"Carter radioed in while you were in the tent. Managed to tell me the two of them were on their way back from mineral surveys before the radio whacked-out."

"'Whacked-out'? Is that a technical term the Air Force use a lot?"

"In my world, yes."

"So, what happened with the radio, precisely?"

"I don't know... some really high-pitched feedback loop before Carter's unit cut out altogether. I'll talk to Siler tomorrow, see what he can do with them."

"Okay."

"So..."

"So."

"So... how did the geology thing go?"

"It was... very informative."

"Do I want to hear the minutiae?"

"Probably not."

"Hey, Colonel. Daniel."

"Hey, Sam."

"Carter. Teal'c, come join the happy circle."

"To what circle are you referring, O'Neill?"

"Uh, what Jack means is 'come and sit down'."

"Then why did he not say that to begin with?"

"Well... Jack often has his own language that most of us don't understand."

"Hey!"

"Indeed he does, Daniel Jackson."

"Colonel, did you have the same problem with the radios that we did?"

"Yep. Any idea _why_ they did that?"

"Well, judging by the pitch of the feedback loop right before the transmission cut out, I think it was connected to interference from the MALP."

"Uh, Sam, isn't that thing usually dormant when it's not being used?"

"Usually, yes, but there's no reason that outside forces can't influence the circuitry somehow and activate it again."

"Carter?"

"Yes, sir?"

"No science talk before bed-time. Gives me nightmares."

"I thought that was the Alsatian-sized rabbits."

"Daniel? Not helping."

"You encountered the creatures as well, O'Neill?"

"Yes, Teal'c, I did, and I scared them off. They shouldn't be back here before we leave tomorrow."

"A wise course of action."

"See, Daniel? _Someone_ thinks I did the right thing by shooting at their furry asses."

"Jack, are we going to talk about your paranoia concerning the local rabbits, or are we going to actually talk about something a little more mature before we turn in for the night?"

"Hang on a sec... Carter, get everything you needed from the surveys?"

"They're about ninety-nine percent complete, sir, I'll just need another hour or two in the morning."

"Okay... sensible topics that the Spacemonkey here would approve of. Anyone got any ideas?"

"Actually, sir, I was hoping we could discuss this party on Saturday in a little more detail."

"What's there to discuss? Show up at Daniel's, have a good time, crash on an available flat surface, go home Sunday. Sounds pretty solid to me."

"Yeah... that's what's scaring me. What did you want to discuss, Sam?"

"Well... I mean, is anybody else going to be invited, or is it just us?"

"Carter, do you see anybody else wearing little patches on their arms saying 'SG-1', or have there been additions to the team that I've somehow missed?"

"Did you have anybody in particular in mind, Captain Carter?"

"And it would have to be somebody with the right security clearance, as well, Sam, even if they do work within the SGC."

"Well, I was thinking maybe Janet..."

"Ya kidding? Doc Fraiser's idea of fun consists of a big hypodermic needle and my ass. And trust me, I _know_ what she's like when she gets a half-dozen beers inside her."

"And how would you know that, Jack?"

"Janet and I go back a way, okay? We were posted in Mexico together for a four-month stretch. That's when the needle-into-my-ass obsession started. And besides, six beers are probably equal to a shot of pure tequila, which she took when... who made me go off-topic here? As much as I'd _like_ to invite Doctor Fraiser and god-knows how many other people to Saturday, 'a', it's a team event, which just means the four of us, and 'b'... it's... a team event. Team party. Tell ya what, Carter, we make it to five years, we'll invite Janet."

"Janet's non-existent obsession with your behind aside, Jack, five years? Why not next year?"

"Besides, O'Neill, three is indeed the magic number."

"Teal'c?"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

"Have you been letting Siler lend you his CD's again?"

"Sir, how do you it would be _Siler_ influencing Teal'c's music choices?"

"Oh, trust me. I _know_."

"Who would you invite, Daniel?"

"If you invited Janet, you mean?"

"Yeah. Say we could each bring one person to the party."

"Carter, this really is a pointless conversation."

"Maybe, sir, but it'll still be interesting. Daniel?"

"Well, um... I guess either General Hammond or Catherine."

"Why?"

"Well, Catherine offered me this job to begin with, so without her idea to get me involved with the Stargate Project, none of us would really be here right now, and the general... well, he's offered me something that only really comes along once in a lifetime."

"You mean when he decided to let you join SG-1?"

"Yes, Jack, that's exactly what I mean."

"Okay, so hypothetically, Carter would invite Janet, and Daniel, either Catherine or the general. What about you, Teal'c?"

"I believe I would invite my son, Rya'c to join us this weekend, O'Neill. Ever since he and Drey'auc relocated to the Land of Light, he has been eager to learn more about the Tau'ri people, in particular the humans with whom I travel the stars."

"That's nice, Teal'c."

"Thank you, Captain Carter."

"What about you, Jack? Who would you invite along? Hypothetically speaking, of course."

"Hypothetically speaking, I would invite... tell ya what, Daniel, I'll take General Hammond. That way, both he and Catherine could show up."

"Jack?"

"Really, Daniel. Not now."

"Okay... and since this is mostly a dud conversation anyway, there are a couple of things I'd like to sort out in time for Saturday. I mean, I know it's more-or-less Wednesday today, but I figure if I bring them up now, that gives everyone enough time once we get back to the SGC tomorrow."

"Just spit it out, Daniel."

"Well, the fact of the matter is that I don't have enough stuff in my kitchen to feed all four of us for an evening."

"Daniel, the colonel and I said we'd chip in with whatever else you needed."

"Mmm, that was what I was hoping... Jack, if you bring the beer, or whatever you're going to spend the evening imbibing -"

"I do not consume alcohol."

"I know, Teal'c. I can get in different fruit juices, including a couple you definitely won't find anywhere in the mountain."

"Of which flavours were you thinking?"

"Well... the grocery store near my apartment's started selling the more tropical flavoured juices. Uh, pineapple, lime, something else I can't remember right now."

"The flavours do indeed sound promising, Daniel Jackson."

"I'll get in a whole variety for the two of us, Teal'c."

"You sticking to the soft stuff all night as well, Daniel?"

"Well, it would probably be better if one of the three of us remained completely in control of all five senses for the evening. Just in case anything happens. And I prefer juice to beer, anyway."

"Yeah, that does make sense. So, what's Carter going to bring?"

"Well, Sam, it would be great if you could bring some savoury snacks and similar stuff that we'll all eat, and I'll get some in as well."

"Sure thing, Daniel."

"Thanks."

"Well, anything else we need to air in public before the weekend?"

"Jack, are you tired?"

"Why would I be tired?"

"You tend to get cranky when you're missing out on sleep."

"Daniel's right, sir."

"Indeed he is, O'Neill."

"What, are the three of you ganging up on me again? Did I do anything to deserve this?... Not a word, Daniel... not a word, _any_ of you."

"Okay."

"Yes, sir."

"As you wish, O'Neill."

"Well, kids, _is_ there anything else? And it's not because I'm tired, it's because I have to go phone home in a couple minutes, and after that yes, I would like to go to bed and not worry about giant killer rabbits."

"Jack, _you're_ the one who said we didn't have to worry about them until we left tomorrow."

"Daniel's right, sir."

"You did specifically say that when Captain Carter and I arrived after carrying out the mineral surveys, O'Neill."

"Okay, that's it! I'm going back to the Stargate, and I'm going to make a quick phone call. _If_ you three are done victimising an old colonel at his most vulnerable..."

"...Is he out of earshot yet?"

"I believe he is, Daniel Jackson. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. I was just wondering. Listen, I'm going to go try getting some sleep now before Jack gets back and starts up the rant about the rabbits again. Teal'c, you're taking first watch, right?"

"I am."

"I'm on second, so... come wake me up in four hours."

"I will. Until then, goodnight, Daniel Jackson."

"Yeah, night, Daniel."

"Night, Sam. Teal'c."

"I think I'm going to go unroll my sleeping bag as well... see you in the morning, Teal'c."

"Pleasant dreams, Captain Carter."

"You too, Teal'c. Goodnight."

o o o o o

For the second time in as many days, the tape wound to an end, leaving George to silently contemplate the remainder of the twenty-minute drive home. There was no mention of party poppers this time, something for which the general was profoundly grateful, although he wouldn't deny he'd gotten a small warm feeling in the pit of his stomach as he'd heard Doctor Jackson 'invite' him to the party they were having at the weekend. It was nice of the young man to think of him.

George smiled as he pulled into the driveway of his house, and he thought about the tape Siler had given him on the Monday, and his reaction to that recorded conversation. SG-1 _was_ something special, not least because of the resident diversity within its ranks. There was something about the team, something that set them just that little bit further apart from the other SG teams currently operating under George's overall command, and for that, he'd allow them all the levity they needed... when it was appropriate of course.

He still hadn't forgotten Jack's threat of party poppers.

**3: And all I got was this Lousy Staff Weapon**

Sunday morning at 0900 hours and if he was being perfectly honest with himself, Major General George Hammond was very, very nervous indeed about stepping foot back inside Cheyenne Mountain. While yesterday had technically been one of his coveted few days off, he'd spent the morning on base seeing off two teams and debriefing another upon its return.

SG-1 had been given the period from Thursday through to the Sunday morning off work altogether, and George knew for a fact that Teal'c had been due back from the Land of Light, where his wife and son were, at around midday on Saturday, the Jack O'Neill proposed day of the party to celebrate two years of SG-1.

George had left base at 1100, a scant hour before Teal'c's return, and had escaped to the relative safety of his son's house for the remainder of the day.

As usual at this time of the morning, he signed in at the front desk and made his way down to the main control room to collect any and all reports from the previous day's worth of SGC activity.

As he entered the room, the first thing George noticed was that the blast doors separating this room from the one containing the Stargate were down and by the looks of it, sealed securely. Again it was Siler manning the main computer, speaking urgently into the headset and unaware of the general's presence until he stopped the conversation and pulled off the headset. George stopped him from snapping the salute, and instead motioned towards the blast doors. "What's going on here?" he asked.

Siler looked abashed. "We've been locked out of some of the controls through this room, sir," he said, sounding equally embarrassed. "Short of shutting the mountain down completely and rebooting everything manually, there's nothing we can do."

Instantly George's heckles rose. "Do you know who's responsible?" he asked, taking a step closer to the long line of computer systems lining the closed blast doors.

Slowly Siler nodded. "Colonel O'Neill, sir," he replied quietly. "The locking codes used match his perfectly."

George pondered this for a moment, and involuntarily thought of the two recorded conversations involving SG-1 that he had been privy to in the last seven or eight days. He pondered some more. "Are the blocked systems any kind of security risk to this facility?" he asked carefully.

Siler shook his head. "No, sir," he answered immediately. "All the colonel's locked us out of are the controls for this -" here he motioned to the blast doors, "- and from here we have no control of the lighting from Level Twenty downwards."

The sergeant paused for a moment, evidently aware of how faintly ridiculous the report sounded. He then started on his seat. "General, there... there's something else as well."

"Yes?"

Siler reached into a drawer next to him and pulled out a cassette, and passed it to George. "You may want to listen to what's on that, sir."

Already dreading what was to come, George pocketed the cassette and told Siler he'd be back down shortly to override Jack's... interference in the system. He went upstairs and into his office. The cassette player was still on his desk from the previous week; he hadn't yet got around to putting it back in the filing cabinet drawer.

George sat down at the desk, and inserted the cassette into the player. Again Siler had been thoughtful enough to wind it back to the beginning for him; after about three seconds, the playback began.

o o o o o

(sound of a door opening and closing) "Hi Daniel."

"Sam! Um, what are you doing here?"

"Did you get Colonel O'Neill's latest... note?"

"Yeah, I did... it's somewhere underneath the Sumerian texts. I think. Why do you ask?"

"I... do you get the feeling he's taking this party idea just a little too far?"

"What's bothering you, Sam?"

"I just... I don't get what we're supposed to do about this whole present thing."

"Sam, it's easy. Whoever the person on your note is, get them something small and hopefully thoughtful and bring it with you when you show up tonight."

"You sound remarkably confident about it."

"It's just an illusion, Sam, trust me. I have no idea what I can get... this person before tonight. I only found the note this morning, and already I don't even know _where_ it is."

"Who are you getting for?"

"Teal'c."

"Oh... that's easy, Daniel. Buy him something – anything to get him off the trash Siler keeps lending him."

"Trash, Sam?"

"Yeah, you know, the CDs he lends Teal'c."

"No, I got the music part, I just never got the way some people get worked up over types of music they personally don't approve of."

"...Right."

"Although, okay, I'll go find him something decent he can listen to... thanks for that."

"You're welcome."

"Sam... what's bothering you?... Sam?"

"..."

"Okay Sam, do you want some help with yours?... Yeah?... Okay, so who's the person you're supposed to get something for?"

"You."

"Oh."

"Daniel, I have no idea for what to get you. I've spent the last three days in the lab trying to get one of the MALP's fixed, and now I suddenly have eight or nine hours to find you something you'll actually like."

"It's times like this you really want to throttle Jack, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Well, tell you what? In about twenty minutes I'm going to be done with this translation for Feretti and co., how about we go off somewhere together. I'll buy Teal'c some music, and at the same time I'll point out a few things to you that I'd like, and you see if you want to get one of them or not."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Daniel."

"And thank _you_ for the CD suggestion. I was going to go with something historical and text-based now that I've got Teal'c up on the written form of the English language."

"Music's definitely better."

"That's what I'm now thinking."

"So, Daniel, do you... do you know what the colonel and Teal'c are getting? Now that I know you've got Teal'c, and since I've got you, the only combinations left are Teal'c getting something for the colonel, and the colonel something for me."

"I... do you really want to know?"

"If it'll help me prepare for the worst, then yes."

"Well... you know Teal'c's due back from the Land of Light in a couple of hours, right? He's, um, he's told me that he's meeting up with Bra'tac somewhere along the line and... acquiring a staff weapon for Jack."

"A _staff_ weapon? A staff _weapon_?"

"Minus the power source, of course. Without that thing it'll be as ornamental as a vase."

"Strange kind of vase."

"Mm. I told Teal'c to tell Jack that if anyone asks what it is, he can just say it's an African spear. Really obscure tribe."

(sound of laughter ) "That's good."

"Yeah... Teal'c said the intention was to cement the brothers-in-arms thing he and Jack have."

"Sounds cool... uh, Daniel, do you know...?"

"Wha – what you're getting?"

"Mm-hmm. I mean, I can act surprised later, and like I said, if it'll help me prepare for the worst, then..."

"Well, all Jack would tell me was that he was getting you some videos."

"Videos?"

"Yeah... something about getting you off the sci-fi 'crap' and onto what he termed to be 'better' films."

"Daniel, all I do is watch reruns of the original _Star Trek_ from time to time."

"Yeah, and I know that. But Jack doesn't. So he's out on a mission to get you watching different things."

"Okay... do you know where the colonel is right now?"

"Something about going to see a man about decorations. He's going to rope Teal'c into that one as well, once he gets back later."

"Decorations?"

"Remember the conversation we had in the VIP room, Sam?"

"Oh... oh!"

"Exactly. Come on. Feretti can wait another day for the translation, I've got another week to finish it before his team goes back to P9D..."

"Yeah, right behind you, Daniel..."

(sound of a door opening and closing)

o o o o o

George stared at the cassette player, trying to make sense of what he had just heard, but before he could ponder to deeply, the tape crackled and a second later a second playback began...

o o o o o

"O'Neill, what is the purpose of this material?"

"Come on Teal'c, I thought we'd gone through this already. It's crepe paper. It's _designed_ to be flimsy and breakable and – no, no! _Don't_ get it all over you!"

"I believe I have already achieved that, O'Neill."

(audible sigh) "Okay... okay... we can do this. We _can_ do this. Don't move your arms... yeah, that's it, just stand there for a sec..."

"Will General Hammond not be displeased at this course of action?"

"Huh?... oh, _that_ course of action? Who, the general? Nah, he'll be fine."

"You will not be able to claim anonymity after partaking in this activity, O'Neill."

"Claiming anonymity isn't the point in this particular case, Big Guy."

"Then I fail to see the point."

"Point?... Who said there had to be a _point_ to this?"

"If there was no point to the activity, O'Neill, then you would not be here under cover and decorating the embarkation room with this material."

(audible sigh) "Teal'c?"

"Yes?"

"Pass me the pink strips hanging over your left shoulder... thank you."

"Do you require assistance up there, O'Neill?"

"Nope, I'm fine... pass me the green stuff next..."

"I find these colours to be quite offensive."

"Yeah, me too, but this was all they had left in the party shop, it'll have to do."

"There are places in your world that _willingly_ supply these materials to people?"

"Unfortunately, yes... hand over the blue bundle. Should be right behind you."

"I still do not understand your world, O'Neill."

"Yeah? Well, there are times I don't, either... Teal'c?"

"O'Neill?"

"Whaddya think?"

"Have you completed your task?"

"Good as it's ever gonna get, I think."

"I see."

"So, uh... what _do_ you think?"

"To what are you referring?"

"The decorations."

"Do you require my honest opinion, O'Neill?"

"Well, it would be nice."

"In that case, I will admit to finding the colours incorporated into this decoration quite garish. I believe that should anybody were to look at this for more than a few seconds then they would indeed misplace their meal."

"Sweet. I do think our work here is done. C'mon, T, we got a party to go to."

"Indeed..."

o o o o o

For the second time the tape stopped and once again George stared thoughtfully at the cassette player. He still didn't know if SG-1 had any idea at all that they'd been recorded multiple times this week, and by that extensis, whether or not they knew that George Hammond knew about their plans for the weekend.

He decided they couldn't know. Officially, he'd not heard a word about any celebration whatsoever for this weekend, although SG-1's party would have ended some time yesterday evening, by the recordings the general had been given. SG-1 also had a mission debriefing at 1300 hours... George had wondered a couple of times already that morning whether or not the SGC's flagship team would actually be _capable_ of attending it...!

Hmm. Leaving the cassette in the player, George went back downstairs and into the control room. Silently, he directed Siler to override Colonel O'Neill's locking codes, and exactly five seconds later the blast doors slid up, revealing the 'gate room.

George, Siler and the other three personnel in the control room stared at the scene in front of them.


End file.
